Let Me Count the Ways

Over the vacation, a few benevolent comments about Scott had me clenching my teeth. Apparently, the impression both he and I have given to others has shown him as inactive and too laid back for his and my own good. While there is partial truth in those generalizations, they do not characterize the man fully. I blame myself for this, as often people only hear from me about the times I'm frustrated with him, for the most part.

I love this man. Why? The number one reason is that he loves me unfalteringly, and without conditions of any kind. I know from experience that this is not only difficult to find in life, but also to be cherished. I used to smoke, he doesn't. Though he would lovingly and teasingly tell me I needed to quit, it was never a requirement for our continued relationship. This allowed me to come to the decision to quit on my own, and I have no fear that if I were to fall off the wagon that he would be nonsupporting. I drink on occasion, he does not. Not only does that not bother him, but he even tried a drink of Champagne with me over New Year's despite his fear of alcoholism. I generally don't think of myself as attractive, which drives him crazy (or at least the closest to being driven crazy that he ever gets), yet he is amazingly reassuring and patient with my insecurities considering his lack of experience in the relationship venue. A while back I used to do this completely silly thing where I would ask him an absurd question in this formula "If I...would you still love me?" For example, "If I had three breasts, would you still love me?" Some of them were so absurd that it was easy for him to say "of course, I would still love you," with no fear of ever having to prove that in the future. However, some of the more realistic ones, I was touched by how easily and sincerely he responded with a yes. Not because he said yes, or I expect him to ever prove it, but because I believe it to be true. I believe that he will love me for who I am as long as I am always true to him and honest with him.

I love him also because he can be endearingly sweet, if dorky while doing so. He is at his sweetest when he is groggy and doesn't guard himself before he speaks. I won't nauseate you with specifics about his sweetness, but know it is there.

I love him because he is always up for anything I want to do, and often what he hasn't realized he wants to do. This is where the hackles came up regarding the inactivity comment. Left to his own devices, he will often choose inactivity because it's there in front of him. However, when given the option, he will not shy away from activity. For example, when he was taking his walking class, he went above and beyond what he had to do. He pushed himself just beyond what he had to do and made it what he wanted to do for himself. Also, when planning our stay in Boston, I have mentioned a dozen or more possible activities, and only one has he said he isn't interested in, and that was the Duck tours, which, after my Hot Springs encounter with Duck tours, I don't even want to try in Boston. He hasn't been camping in years, but thinks that it would be fun to camp with me. Basically, unless I ask him to go shoe shopping with me, 95 percent of the time, he won't hesitate to say yes and to enjoy whatever we do. I strive to be the same in return.

I love him because he is smart. Sure, sometimes his area of focus bores me, but I'm trying to be better about listening and finding ways to understand what he's talking about, because he strives to be interested in my job and life. I just love that I have a smart boyfriend.

I love him because friends are so important to him. He has close and easy relationships with his friends. They all have clearly defined boundaries, but within those boundaries, those friends would do anything for one another. Every time he helps a friend move, he says that it's the last time. But he can't say no just because he remembers how sore his arms or back were after the last time.

There are thousands of other reasons to love him, but I will stop with that for right now. I think that acceptance has finally set in.