Familiarity Breeds Contempt

I love my house. I love sitting in it and knowing that it's mine. Ok, so it's the bank's, but you get the drift. I love that I can hang pictures, paint, rip out flooring, whatever I want without fearing the wrath of a landlord or the financial ramifications of simply living in borrowed space. I love decorating and making the space my own. Mostly, I have the 2-year-old syndrome...I love it because it's mine.

And while I love the place for these reasons, I find that the more time I spend familiarizing myself with the house and bringing out the Kendraness of it, the more little things I find to regard with contempt. Imagine me on my knees, trying not to fall clumsily into the bathtub as I spent twenty minutes scrubbing at it, elbow deep in bleach water. The damn thing won't come completely white. It should be completely white. It should sparkle after I spend that much time working at it. But it doesn't sparkle, it just looks less dull. The problem is that it has never sparkled. I moved in to a dull tub. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where the ire comes in. It won't matter how long I scrub, how many tools I use, or how many curse words I hurl at it: It has never been the pristine tub I want it to be, and it never will be. Add to that the fact that I burned out the motor on the jet spa, and you have one irrationally riled Kendra.

This isn't new information. I've known this from about day 25, after I'd cleaned the place out of its former shabbiness just after the move. I should have learned to accept it. But I can't. I see the potential for sparkly greatness everywhere, but in order for it to reach that potential I have to shell out money.

I'm working very hard at trying to save money, but it's slow going, and there are so many things I'm saving up for. I'd like to have a normal sized washing machine, a sparkly tub, tile flooring, a door on my guest room, a new vanity for each bathroom, new carpet for my bedroom, new bedding, curtains, artwork....it never ends. By the time I save up money to create a living space closer to my ideal, I'm going to be selling the house.

For now, I'd settle for a sparkling tub and enough space to open my refrigerator all the way.

Thanks, Jane, for inspiring me to blog again. Fucker.